Chicken pox. One of childhoods most common illnesses. His two brothers have had it and I had wondered how it would differ for Sonny when he caught it. Would it? How would it? Would it be harder for him, having Autism? His little brother Zachary was poorly with chicken pox two weeks before and I assumed him now knowing what Chicken Pox looked like, may help to prepare him. (Who was I kidding!)
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Have you ever felt so angry, so on the edge of control, so at the brink of sanity and rational thought, that it’s scared you? Have you ever been pushed so far, that when despite begging out loud for it to stop, it doesn’t and you explode? Have you ever lost it? Do you remember what that felt like? Red hot blood coursing through your veins that leaves you shaking in despair.
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At the age of 3, Sonny weighed a total of one and a half stone. Yes. You read that right. To compare, his healthy baby brother only 1 year old, already weighed a stone. This picture below hurts my eyes and my heart. He was nothing but skin on bone and you could see his skeleton through his pale skin. His face bony, his eyes sunken and gaunt. When he was sat down you could make out every outline that formed his pelvis and his spine. His age 18 to 24 month clothes hung from his body, never fitting him right. I felt consumed with guilt each time I saw his fragile body without clothes as though it was somehow my fault.
There are so many times in which I find myself in a constant flurry. These last few weeks, it’s been all day most days. In this I know I’m not alone. So many things to do, so many places to be, so many people needing your attention and sometimes – sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day.
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